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	New Age - Dark Age
	Detainees Behaving Badly

			Cyber Sniffer Dog patrolling space for your protection. I sniff 'em out - run 'em down and bring 'em to justice. God Bless all Cavaliers. I wish to advise the painful spaniel sometimes seen in the company of a certain Mr. J. W Bushie, has our full support in his efforts to bring peace to the world. We are behind you 110% in your endeavours. We will send some of our own special tracker spaniels to help, so things will be speeded up considerably.
	Sorry boys but we only have 2,000 of these top dogs but they are real terrors when they get going. A fact that all rubbish men round the world will readily attest too. Impeccable credentials. Yes Sir! Now in spite of our severed royal connections we support Mr. Toony Hair 110% too. We are appalled and ashamed that certain other country spaniels with close cultural association to us, Mr. Bushie and Mr. T. Hair who should be showing support are unwilling to do this. This is just dreadful and gross. You shame the good name of Cavalier King Charles Spaniels. Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Geeeez shut-up Charlie - get a grip on yourself.

	New Age - Dark Age
	Today some people will believe anything as long as it is prefaced with New Age. Witchcraft is one of the more popular activities. Witchcraft is not new, people have been fooling around with this rubbish in some form since the beginning. It reached a peak in the middle ages where so-called witches were burnt, tortured and murdered - witchcraft is not new. Some organizations unfortunately seem to pander to this stupidity by having their representative exorcise people who they believe are behaving in an unusual manner. This little ritual is where their representative supposedly wrestle this imaginary evil spirit out of the person. The person has generally been behaving in a peculiar and/or abnormal manner and it is assumed that he/she is possessed by a devil. Whether the representative actually believes this to be so we do not know. Some people are just naturally awful and unpleasant - they don't necessarily have a devil lurking beneath their skin. Anyway moving on A person who sees things nobody else sees is probably suffering from some illness and they should seek medical advise as soon as they can. These days it is hard enough to cope in life without having to consider that witch and evil spirit hum-bug. It is all in the mind and goes way back and beyond the dark age almost to stone age. Stone age and primitive beliefs in these modern times are harmful, old-fashioned and stupid and could be doing people a great disservice. This is so with children who are especially vulnerable. How do we explain this degenerative behaviour in view of all the wonderful advances science has made and is still making, with the best to come. Well firstly we have the word "new" and if you have a entrepreneurial frame of mind just add the other word "free" and you are on a winner. Special is also a good and hugely popular word to use. Advertise your "New Free Special conditions apply" idea, then add some form of thumping noise which totally blocks out any rational thinking that the person may have had and you are then on a even bigger winner. It is New Age, Free and Special (thump thump) - New Age Special Free Magic (thump thump) - New Age Free Special Hair Cut (special conditions apply thump thump special conditions apply thump thump ) - New Age Free Special Devils (made to your own specifications - short tails, long tails - no tails - pink tails - blue tails - thump thump thump - whips and chains an additional extra - thump thump thump - conditions apply). New Age Free Special Horriblescopes !!!! oops sorry should be Horrorscopes thump thump thump thump thump thump. Oh hell - my front tooth has just been knocked out - moan, moan, sniff, sniff - maybe one of these Free Magic Miracle people can make it grow back. Hey you - Miracle Magic Worker do something useful make my tooth grow back - pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeee. And while you are at it make my hair grow back too and also tell me a winning tatslotto number so I will have money to pay the huge fee I know you are going to charge for failing to make my tooth and hair grow back in their proper places. On the palm of my hands is not what I wanted. It really looks quite ridiculous and ugly too. Oh woe is me! Hey miracle worker entrepreneurs - reiki entrepreneurs, physic healer entrepreneurs, reflexology entrepreneurs, crystal gazer entrepreneurs, ruins or is it prunes entrepreneurs and the like etc. etc. Put you money where your mouth is and make my tooth grow back in fact while you are about it make all my missing teeth grow back. Bet you can't. If you can do this be assured your fortune will be made and if you can do this (which we know you can't) you won't need money because you can do anything. You will probably live forever. But be warned it could be boring.

	Detainees Behaving Badly
	Detainees finished 2002 off with a great show of bravado and solidarity by setting fire to some of the detention centres yet again and we believe our previous plea in the Aussie Gazette seems to have been totally ignored and the computers have once again been destroyed. This is tragic, we know of some families with students who would really appreciate these computers because they cannot afford to buy one for their student children. We have a lot of poor people here. In our previous issue and after a similar obnoxious trashing episode we begged to have the computers saved for some of our poorer underprivileged students before the destruction of the centres began but this plea has once again been ignored. This selfish behaviour is really mean-spirited. If you won't do this for our students hows about our old age pensioners. Some older people would just love and appreciate the opportunity to become computer literate. Various civil liberty type organizations are really right on the band-wagon and present with a very good reason which they believe explains why all this burning has happened. According to them we (the common nerdy herd) don't understand the detainees and their torching habits. Apparently they the detainees do this because we treat them badly, and that is why they have to resort to the torch. Sooooooo - we treat people badly - tough. This is of no surprise to us we are doing what we do best, we be mean to people - yep, that's us alright. Civil liberty and human rights people are also doing what they do best moaning about Australian's mean behaviour etc, and how we Australians are responsible for some of the detainees' very understandable torching manners. Oh we are awful, oh we are so bad, bad, bad and oh so rotten, rotten, rotten. But hey as one of our past prime ministers said "Life wasn't meant to be easy". Too right mate - spot on for once. Hey - give us a break. Stop moaning - there must be something good about us - you may have to dig deep but somehow, somewhere, lurking in our fledgling cultural identity (such as it is) there must be something good. Just keep digging and we promise you will strike gold - eventually.
	"WELCOME STRANGER" WOW you little beauty mate - told you didn't we. You've hit the jackpot.
	The largest gold nugget discovered in Australia was found near the township of Dunolly in Victoria in 1869. It weighed 78,381 grams and was named "Welcome Stranger". So if someone says to you "welcome stranger" as you can imagine it means a little more than just a common old ordinary garden variety welcome. It means WOW really really pleased to see you. And we are if you come here the correct and legal way. Not too much to ask? Or is it? We believe our laws are fair and worth obeying. If there is any changing to do - we'll do the changing, the way we have always done - anonymously through the ballot box - simple as that. It is part of our culture don't you know.
	Meanwhile stay sane and remember it was once (sniff) all fun and games downunder in OZ (sniff) "Hoo Roo see ya mate" and long live Kanga - Kanga who ? - Why Kangaroo that's who! geeeez
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